Some background: In my very early 30's I had an awakening. Heaven rained down on me for a series of months and I was changed forever. Now, of course there were things that led to the skies opening over my head. I'd suffered from my first bout of serious depression in 1996, one year after I'd gotten married and also 1 year after I'd finished my term as Miss Massachusetts and began working as a teacher's assistant, nanny and an aid to autistic children, all jobs I loved and truly excelled at. I learned quite a bit from that experience and that time it took about 6 months to come out of the depression and years to fully recover. My second deep plunge was after I had my second child, Anthony in 2001 and that's a whole other story! Before and between those two bouts of dis-ease I had studied most of the major religions as well as history and government at Salem State College. Also between the 2 I had a religious experience as I flew across the country to sing at my life-long, soul-friend's wedding (a bond that was physically broken when her father was murdered here in 1985, when we were in junior high school). During the stay in WI, Joe and I drove through corn fields and farms and listened to country music :). I came home to write a CD's worth of songs and was introduced to Brian Maes who took my tape-recordings (just vocals, mind you) and turned my ideas into beautiful music. He mentored me and I joined my first band, a country band named Cheyenne. Of course I was fired (although they wont tell ya that!) shortly thereafter. Totally green. :) But I kept at it, just a bit and there have been many stops and starts to my hobby turned career until the year of my awakening. The rest, you know....at least musically, and some of you know it all!
The awakening led me through a series of synchronicity and divine interventions and some other amazing experiences and people that eventually led me to the Kaballah Center in Newton, MA. I studied there for about a year extensively and carry it's teachings inside me always. Just a side note here, in case you haven't heard my tune Yes I Am, LOL, that I have no ties to religion. In any way. Religion, seeking to separate any life from another life fundamentally goes against what I believe to be a truth. I also know that whatever you believe is your personal truth. I accept and respect all. Anyhow, I digress. Through my studies and getting more in tune with myself and my spirit and the natural laws of the universe, I had many inspirations and many messages from the Universe. I kept track of these through reflection and also had many experiences where I wasn't doing the thinking when I'd put pen to paper. There were songs (I hadn't done anything musically in about 6 years), and they were written words in the forms of questions and answers and in journalling form, prayers and blessing chants (all still part of my experience). I worked to unveil myself through the peeling of layers that covered me. A year into my awakening, study and practice, to important things happened: I realized with no uncertainty, that I had a responsibility to share the gift of my voice. As I worked to accept this and visualise and plan for a new direction and path(while raising 3 babies) I was shown more of my destiny. And I began to record inspiration for a center of wellness and transformation that I was to manifest into reality. So I started making plans, in my mind and on paper. I realised quickly that the scope of my vision was a huge undertaking and a financial endeavor that I wouldn't be able to endure alone. And that I'd not receive any support for the center if I didn't become an active participant in this thing called life, and also, if I didn't sing. So I called my old friend Brian. My path was set and I've been singing ever since, full time. I'd be willing to bet that 98% of anyone whose reading this entered my life since this point....it's true, when ya step onto destiny's path, your connections (spiritual and otherwise) grow exponentially! And you've all helped my music career blossom. I've always continued on my other paths as well, until the last year when I seemed to step off-path somewhere...
In the last several months I began to slip for the third time into a depression. I've written details about this part of the journey in my blog if you are interested. But I'll give you some highlights of what I've experienced and learned since October when I cancelled all of my singing performances and prepared for my pending journey into my 4th decade. A book could be written just about these last 3 months! It began with a thought that was so jammed packed full of power that it shook me to the core. As I was lost in negative thoughts and physical pain, I suddenly burst with "I do NOT accept these feelings as my reality". Some of my favorite or most poignant messages have been the following:
There's No One But You
What if You Could????
Know Your-self, Love Your-self, Trust Your-self, Be Your-self
What would you do if you Loved Yourself? What would that look like? What would that feel like?
Love is all around you. Let it BE where you look.
Give Your-Self a Break, for G-d's sake!!
Pay Attention, Study Your-self.
And my favorite, the one that truly makes me laugh every time, was the realization that I'm feisty....then I immediately wondered if that was in line with my mission and the message came so quick and witty : "You can be peaceful, loving AND feisty! You're Irish!"
It's been 3 months of battling my demons head on. Meditation, prayer, looking hard in the mirror, accepting, learning, loving, releasing and becoming. I learned a tremendous amount of new things about my-self and I'm growing more into my personal mission : I am of strong body, clear mind, joyful spirit, loving heart and positive outlook. Which takes daily effort and investment in ME. Most important lesson: I HAVE committed to my-self (body, mind, spirit) on a full time basis, as i know that if I don't, I will not fulfill my destiny. The second lesson I've learned fully is that just as I realised that my voice was a gift to be shared with others, all of inspirations and aspirations I have are meant to be shared as well. All the parts that I've kept quietly between myself and an intimate group of loved ones have been developing in preparation to share with a larger audience...the lessons, the exercises, the journey. And that now, in my 4th decade it's time for me to put all the parts together and then BE the highest version of myself.
It's a little scary, because this means getting naked again! When I took on the musical part of my destiny, my greatest fear was performing in very small venues. Being versed in the natural laws of the Universe, I know that to get to the end the quickest we must face our fears, so I started by singing in a 20 person bistro. Now, my biggest fear is rejection, so I must expose myself in an even deeper way. My lessons are filled with the truth, my most personal journeys...phew.......but if I am to fulfill, I must peel back more layers. So I welcome you to all of it:
I'd love to share with you my outward intentions for this new chapter of my life! I'll always sing, I'll continue to create musically. I cannot see exactly how this will look, but I'm committed to that part of myself. I'm encouraged and excited about this year's new album release! The plans for the center that I mentioned earlier are coming together, and have developed another aspect since the first plan, it will incorporate a small, intimate performance venue :). I've been offered a great, small location in downtown Haverhill to begin this journey! I am also taking my love of helping others find purpose, navigate challenges to a new level. After years of working one-on-one with others, I'm becoming certified as a life-coach through a school in California and also beginning the program of becoming an herbalist. I've loved every moment of studying the medicinal and spiritual attributes of the plant life that Mother Earth has provided us with and I need to know as much as possible! Yes, herbs will be a big part of the center as well....I will continue to use them and teach about them in bath product lines and in other ways as well...you'll be privy to all if it if you so choose to be. I promise to tell you more about the Center soon, but for now, I'll just say that it's to be called "Eve Rising Center for Arts & Wellness" and it will serve the community by bringing it together for classes, events, charity, entertainment and friendship with the intentions of stirring the body, mind, & spirit individually and as a group of connected people. :))). I'm also writing a book, maybe more than one :)....if you'd like to follow my blog, you'll get the drift of my writing intentions. I am committing now to taking many of my lessons that have been recorded in dozens of journals along the way to this blog in preparation for the first book. As I move forward and continue on this journey, I believe I will be equipped to teach others the course I am creating, learning and experiencing every day now: Learning To Live. The details have been unfolding since that thought "I do not accept these feelings as my reality".
I truly hope that you'll grow along side of me and accept the offering of what I'm learning through my blog and classes and center as you have embraced me as a singer! Thank you for taking me through the last decade with constant encouragement and support. I hope I can continue to let the Light of the Universe and of G-d shine through me and humbly inspire others to do the same.
Much love and gratitude,
Elle
(aka: E.F. Sieker)
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