Go Ahead, Hold Up Those Mirrors!

Well, it all came together!  As 1/21/11 became 1/22/11...and as midnight marked my 40th year.  Just like She promised. 

I've wondered from time to time whether the Universe meant midnight on Thursday/Friday or midnight Fri/Sat  when she said that my path and direction would be clear.  And last week a couple of people mentioned things about timing and numbers that reminded me about that question.  Yesterday, 1/21, my sis said "I always thought you meant midnight tonight".

Around 11:45pm last night (1/21), I said to the Universe, "What was this about?  I thought my path and direction would be perfectly clear?"  I mean really, has this entire trip been an overactive imagination?  Is there really a red-haired spirit that talks to me?  Crap.  Why Am I So Confused???  BIG "NO FAIR"!!!

I started to wonder if I was making the right decisions.  I had a few situations come up and realizations that made me wonder why I want to be public in any way (the more people in your life, or that are exposed to you and vice versa, the more problems you have LOL, its sheer mathmatics!  And also if everyone is a mirror then the more you have, the more you have to look at yourself...). 

I also know that taking care of the people I care about is one of the lessons I came to learn, and  I forsook them (is that a word?) during my last adventure.  That makes me fearful. I mean, I still havent "become" what I know...I'm still having trouble taking my stupid supplements, thing #1!!!

Am I ready?  Can I handle having more people in my life?  Can I really, once and for all DO for(take care of) myself?  Will I be able to follow through and manage details, which I'm nototriously sucky at? 

( I also realized that taking care of my body is my absolute challenge.  And deeper than that, that may relate to the challenges I seem to have in making things physical, in manifesting...but I'll explore that another time. )

I had second and third thoughts about opening the center.  I thought that maybe I should commit to staying home for a few years and just take care of myself and my family. I thought that maybe my grand plans are really my way of distracting myself from those, my true lessons.

Seriously Universe?!  THIS is CLEAR?????

And then, at 11:57pm, I got an email from a woman I really dont know:

"Dear Elle,
It is interesting, though we don't know one another well, I find your bravery and tenacity so inspiring. I have seen you from the sidelines, watching your public success and popularity grow. Each time I have encountered you around town you have always been gracious and warm. You truly exude a very loving presence. And it is very clear that God is expressing through you in many ways.
I recognize so much of what you have written through my own journey.
I am so glad for you that you have had the courage to push through your blocks. I know some of the experiences that you describe in your writing. It feels very personal when I read it...I want you to realize that you are an inspiration to those of us who have yet to find our own inner courage to just move into our God-work. So I want to thank you. I wish you even greater success and I will continue to be inspired by you as I watch you blossom into your fullest God-expression.
Bless you"


 In this note I realized that I MUST fulfill my aspirations!  (Again!)  That my story and my growth when made public and offered for the sake of sharing WILL inspire others to grow.  And that although I've chosen a path that will no doubt bring ridicule and judgement to myself, my mission is to help spread LIGHT in the world, and I must follow the path that destiny has created!

I realised upon digesting this note that it's not rejection that frightens me, as I previously thought, it's ridicule and judgement.  Anyone who puts themselves "out there" is subject to it and inevitably finds it.  We all put our best foot forward for the world to see, but often hope that the ugly stuff doesn't show.  At least I always have.  One of my recurring thoughts about the many people who are involved in my life is "when you really get to know me, you wont like me anymore".  And this is why I've kept most people at arms length and stuggle with intimacy.  Where there is light there is darkenss.  It has felt wonderful to recieve the support and admiration of many people over the last year.  But, as public people always do, I've also fallen from people's graces on more than one occassion.  People forget that no one is perfect.  And that troubles me, and I'm afraid of that.  And I know that now I'm opening myself up to THAT feeling a lot more often.....But I KNOW, that we learn everything we came here to learn through others....

As I've said before, run toward your greatest fear armed for battle and once on the other side, you will find the greatest and brightest Light you've ever seen.

I'll continue to prepare myself, making my body, mind and spirit as strong and as connected to the other parts as I can.  THAT is my armour.  And I will put it all out there, for I've always believed that we are examples for eachother to learn from when we are truly open and completely honest and stark naked.  Easy, nope. Scary, yup...YUP.   Deep breath... But I"m ready.  Yes, I am ready.  Go ahead, hold up those mirrors!  :)

When midnight MARKS your 40th year, your path and direction will be perfectly clear!!!!!  Wow, what a journey.

WOW!